One thing that I resent about me being the oldest sister, and not growing up with a companion close my age, is the fact that I never had anyone to impress. I didn't try to better myself or learn from someone else's mistakes. I couldn't talk to my father about the things I was curious about because he expected me to find a way to figure it out on my own. I chose not to talk to my mother about things because she had this side to her that I will always feel aggrieved about, where she made me feel embarrassed, making me believe that it was wrong to think the things I did, rather than explain and attempt to understand why I didn't want her to dress me, or why I didn't like interacting with kids my age, or why the thought of heaven scared me.
She got a kick out of that one. I wasn't spoken to for an entire day.
I get so obnoxious and cheesy when it comes to having sisters. For one, I think the idea of sisters fits my aesthetic preferences so much. Maybe it has something to do with watching Madeline and the Parent Trap too much as a child. Also, I get consumed with horrible pride whenever either of them comes to me with a question or some way to impress me.
When I was a few years younger, and still cruel to Sabrina, my dad would often berate me for this, and he would always find a way to let me know in the end of our conversation that all my sister wanted was "to impress me and have me like her". My heart always broke and I ended the day being overly nice to her, which would then lead to me becoming angry and cruel again whenever she didn't reciprocate.
I made a pact with Sabrina over half a year ago.
We promise each other a lot of things, and I know that she can be very nonchalant about the things she tells me, and the things I tell her, but I make sure to keep it in my heart that I will stay true to my promises to her.
One of our pacts is to legally be drunk in front of one another for the first time. This means that I will wait until she's 21 so that we can both be piss-drunk, as the kids say, This works out fine for me, considering how scared I am of alcohol. We also plan to live together and try to become adults together for at least a little bit because we're not really sure how letting go of people works yet.
We went to Mexico recently to visit some family and see some prettyness and I got really emotionally attached to my camera and my sisters' beauty. The end.