Sunday, February 26, 2012

The Girl With The Dark Eyes (& Why I’m Cursed With Terrible Posture)

Once upon a time, there was a girl born with the biggest eyes anyone could ever see.  What they could see, of them, anyway—they were odd, dark things.  What people found out later was that they had the ability to hypnotize people.  On a lovely day, the girl with the big, dark eyes sat quietly in a park, reading, widening her eyes with interest.  A man in black shades walked by, enjoying his perfectly mediocre day, feeling like he quite fit in with the public, and noticed the girl’s eyes.  He stopped abruptly and grew terrified, because he didn’t understand the difference in this girl’s appearance.  Unfortunately, he chose to not understand, so he grabbed a pen and stabbed the girl’s eyes out.  There, he thought, and he walked away, satisfied.”

I find that I write pretty terribly uncomfortable things when I’m upset.  I think it’s because I’m just so scared of being stabbed (especially when taking a shower) or having my throat slit.

My parents complain about two things when it comes to me.  First, they are bothered about my monotonous voice, and second, they can’t stand my posture.  I schlump (is that a word?  I’m basing myself off The Princess Diaries here) and I’m always looking down my shoulders just sort of lie there, completely droopy.  My dad himself has tried to give me ‘lessons’ on how to walk properly, by giving me demonstrations throwing out phrases like “You just have to imagine that you’re walking  on a cloud and there’s this string that’s pulling your chest up to the sky.  You have to learn or else you’re never going to be able to wear heels, darling.”

It bothers them so much that sometimes I imagine they lock themselves in their bathroom and cry over how incredibly bad I stand and how this must be the reason why I never bring friends over, and ask themselves where they went wrong?

But after pondering it for a while, I’ve realized that my irrevocable fear of scary movies has lead to my posture.  I’m afraid of exposing my neck.  When I stretch, I tuck my neck in.  When I become hyperaware of my exposed neck, I “schlump” because I’m afraid someone will grab a knife and slide it across my neck, or just choke me, or break my neck. 

This is my excuse, I’d say.

Also, I kept a tally mark on the number of times I caught myself leaning over uncomfortably and then straightening out my back:  7 times.

31 comments:

  1. This is a really interesting post, I also have bad posture (much to the disdain of my mother) so I really 'enjoyed' reading why you think the reason for yours is <3
    http://cupcakesandtreacle.blogspot.com/

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  2. That story at the top is a little dark and disturbing.. I loved it! Also, yeah, the bad posture thing.. I can't believe how 'schlump'y my posture is in photos.. its so bad!

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    1. Dark and disturbing-- I love that! Thank you, I just cartwheeled out of my room to declare this to the world.

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  3. What a pickle! Maybe you should permanently stop watching scary movies. I especially hate the feeling after just watching something scary. I can't move in my bed. I'm deathly afraid something will grab me. Ha ha!!

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  4. I have that problem too. Ugh. I'm almost a hunchback. It's why I had to start work out. "Otherwise your back will hurt when you're old." My reason is that I'm skinny and I don't want to be noticed too much.

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    1. Exactly, my dad says that if I continue like this, I'll lean over and have back problems as an old lady. And my one goal in life is to turn out like Meryl Streep, so I can't have that.

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  5. I LOVE the story at the top!
    Awwh, maybe stop watching scary movies?
    It's really hard trying to sort out your posture. I'm still trying haha.

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    1. Yeah, I don't even know, I just can't help it-- when someone pops in a scary movie and they say "EHMAGAWD, this part is S3W scurry", my eyes automatically go to that scene.

      Which is why I can now tell you today how everyone died in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake.

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  6. nice story...btw thanksfor leaving such a lovely comment.great blog

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  7. Hahahahaha, I love this. That story in the beginning was so weird and scary but so nice. Seriously, I like your writing skillzz, I often wish to have them too. I'm not native English so that's my handicap, or that is what I tell myself... and it's a complete bullshit excuse. But back to you... that un-straightened back/shoulders is so recognizable. But you should maybe work on it, because you do not want to get 40 and be mistaken for the hunchback of Notre-Dame. (the female version is what I mean) -- that horror story stuck to me. or nightmare, as it is not a real story but just in my head.

    I write to much.

    Oh and by the way, on the Fujifilm Instax, it's a gorgeous camera (as in, really really cool) and it needs 4 batteries or something, and the film is very expensive, but it is very cool and nice, to capture memories and such. especially now we, western world, do not print our digital photographs that often anymore... and with the fujifilm, BAM it comes out of the camera... anyway. It's nice. :)

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  8. Is it strange to find this post adorable? I guess I'm supposed to feel something else, but I just want to hug you.


    /Avy
    http:// mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com

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  9. oh my gosh, i always catch myself straightening up my back because i stand so uncomfortably...it often reminisces the action of a T-Rex. I should probably sort it out haha :)

    ♥mollie from musicandmollie

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  10. Thanks for your comment on my blog :)
    Your blog is really nice!
    xoxo

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  11. I have such a monotoned voice too! People have been mentioning it since I was 13, it gets annoying sometimes, I can't help it! I also have pretty bad posture when I walk, I think it's from my high school days when I had an all time low self esteem. I have to learn to walk properly though, because it's beginning to give me horrible back pain.

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  12. Well, you certainly have a morbid outlook!
    Haha, you are a very good writer though. I usually skim posts, but yours kept my attention and I read it all. I have a friend who "schlumps" too, and her mom is constantly nagging her. Aha, so you're not alone!

    http://www.trendyteal.blogspot.com

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  13. You should learn to have a "straight back" and be able to retract your neck like a turtle...it'd be super convenient?

    Also, schlump is totally a word! It comes from Yiddish which is an awesome mix of German and Hebrew..and a few other languages. I find Yiddish is very useful in daily life - i.e. Oy Vey, Schlepp, Schmata, etc.

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  14. Thank you for your sweet comment! The photo was frightened me:') It's scary and weird. I also have a bad posture, but it doesn't matter anyway, just love yourself:)

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  15. I really enjoy reading your posts! I used to have the same problem with schlumping (another Princess Diary fan here!) until my p.e teacher kept correcting me, haha! X

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  16. this is soo damn cute! love it!

    xx mika

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  17. I had a walking/posture issues when I was a kid, so my Mum enroled me in a modeling class to make it better. she always said I walked like a duck :). I never became a model (I stoped growing and remained a garden gnome with only 160 cm)but I did learn something there. but when it comes to posture while sitting - there is no help in the world!

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  18. I have pretty bad posture too - and carrying an incredibly heavy handbag probably doesn't help! It's gotten to the point where it hurts though, so I have to start being more careful. My trick is high heels - you cant possibly shlump if you are in heels!

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  19. I love short stories like this. My family can't understand why I hate my shins so much. I saw a television programme where the bone was sticking out after a fall and it's freaked me out ever since! I hate people touching them (much to my friend's amusement). x

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  20. Uh, I don't like the picture above, kind of creepy for me :( But your story is interesting! I don't usually watch scary movies, I would refuse to watch, I should say. Haha. And I'm a little hunchback too, my mum keep complaining about this, and I'd always told her: Well, it's genetic problem, because dad's the same as me.

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  22. I always notice little things I do too, and I wonder if they must annoy people.
    My posture is terribly bad, but I think if I stand up straight with my shoulders back I look stupid!

    xo

    http://catsandbrogues.blogspot.com

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  23. I have the same problem when it comes to posture, but not because I'm afraid like you, it's just when I was in high-school I wasn't what you'd say "popular" so I would try to hide myself by doing that.

    But what does make me feel uncomfortable is travelling by bus if someone sits behind me, you never know what kind of crazy could be and if he/she could brake your neck or slice your throat...

    Girls that glitter love the dark
    xoxo

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That's a beautiful face you have there.